99 Problems at home: The bills keep changing colors. My biggest financial goals are to win the lottery. I have to work late today—and it’s a Saturday. The only chance I have to get dressed up is to go online dating. The only thing that consistently works in my car is the check engine light. I consistently mix up my tube of tooth paste with my tube of Icy Hot. I’m a Dallas Cowboys fan. It’s 40 degrees outside one week before June. I just thought of a witty Rebecca Black joke but it’s 2 years too late to use. The last time I bought something special for myself was a plot of land—to be buried in at a cemetery. Should I invest my future life savings into a Roth IRA or weekly Powerball tickets? The only thing keeping me from killing myself at work is that it’s more expensive to die than to stay alive. Worst of all, why does my favorite radio station keep slipping in Creed songs???
Only Problem on vacation in Costa Rica: Caribbean or Pacific Ocean today?